You can discount my answer from the get-go if you disagree with this statement: I don't get Animal Crossing. I don't begrudge the legions of fans who are packing their bags for cute capitalist adventures with Tom Crook Nook, nor the pleasure it gives them. It's just I've tried to play it in the past and I got nothing out of it. No charming stories of Animal Crossing Bells bonding with villagers. No immaculately furnished house. Just the sense that I was trapped in a time sink for the few hours I could muster.

We're stuck inside a very small apartment right now, and all my partner wants to do is play Doom Eternal. It's all he talks about, it's all he thinks about, and we're already having trouble balancing the Xbox play equally between us - and that's before I'll let him step into Doomguy's crop top. So sure, I'm very excited about Doom Eternal and have been enjoying my time with it thus far, but as soon as I get my Animal Crossing:

New Horizons delivery (which is still scheduled for tomorrow, please Daddy Bezos give me this one thing and I'll stop subtweeting you for one whole day), I can sit in www.lolga.com the corner of my room, roughly two feet away from my love, and ignore him completely.